next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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