Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize