I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
