dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize