Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
