when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
