Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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