I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
