I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you have to choose: penises or morals?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
