Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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