one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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