8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
