So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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