I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
