If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
