ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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