After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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