There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
