Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
