I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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