dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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