Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
