i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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