So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Found the puke drawer
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
