I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
