There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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