I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
