At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
this just has baby written all over it
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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