theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Never joke about your clitoris.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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