i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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