if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize