I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
