When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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