We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
