i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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