Jerry, you need to find god
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
