Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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