i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
