At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
