There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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