I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
