Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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