we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
