Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
