I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
