I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
