Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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