Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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