I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
