I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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