Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize