think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
