Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
