my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
