i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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