question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
