There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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