why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
