I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
