My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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