Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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