Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
