Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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