he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
