I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
