I'm drive I can fine osifer
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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