I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
